he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
