Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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