Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just pee around me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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