McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
