He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
