I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
