we're chasing vodka with high fives
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
