I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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