Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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