i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
