I feel like abortions should bother me more
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize