He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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