I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
