He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I lost the right to judge tonight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
