Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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