just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So squirting runs in the family.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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