I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize