By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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