His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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