Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
