Princesses don't give blow jobs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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