even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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