my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
