Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am spending my child support on dildos
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
