i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
