Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
