She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
