i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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