Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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