atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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