i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
