I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
