Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
