i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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