She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
