$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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