drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
