I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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