Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
