Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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