I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
