Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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