Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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