im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
