Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
