there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
