ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
