Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize