i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
