you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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