My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
