I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
