I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
