i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
