We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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