I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
