i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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