i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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