oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
farters have to be the big spoon...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
