It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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