my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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