I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The feeling are messing with the penis
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
