You can't motorboat a personality
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
