Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
