Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
