Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
