I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
