you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
