he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
